Remember that post I wrote back in April, during my English class? The one where I was talking about not returning to Seton Hall, and possibly going out to Portland, Oregon? I mean, how could you forget, the post I'm talking about is literally right below this one I'm writing now...!
Well, I did it.
I am writing this post from Portland State University's second floor computer space in the library. It's amazing that this is my reality now, one where I've dropped everything on the East Coast and come out to Oregon on a whim of living to my full self, and trying something new in life. And it's been a crazy ride, one that is not even close to being over yet! So let me go back and just quickly run over how I went from a small catholic private university in New Jersey, studying International Relations, to a large public institution in Portland, Oregon studying Conflict Resolution.
Back in January of this year, I went to an event on Seton Hall's campus, one that lasted from a Friday to a Sunday. Rounds to join a sorority. Now anyone who knows me would not peg me as one to join Greek life. My best friend on campus and roommate, Amani, was floored to find out I got a bid, Morgan, who was one of the first people I met on campus and a friend of mine was surprised to find me a part of rounds, and ultimately getting a bid from the same sorority as her. Even my friend Steve was surprised. Granted he was joining a fraternity and was super pumped we would be in Greek Life together. Point is, I am not a traditional fit for a sorority, but I wouldn't let that stop me. I wanted to make more friends, and get a chance to be a part of an organization on campus that was involved and had a lot going on, and I found that with the sorority I was chosen to join. And in all honesty, the girls I met were so kind, and fun to talk to. Honestly, I can see why so many people wanted to join the sorority. To have a bunch of people to support you and keep you active is so fantastic and I still think that if Greek Life is for you, then go for it!
For me though, once I had a bid in hand, I realized that in order to be a part of this sorority, I would have to commit nearly all my time to it. My friends would be my sisters and people like Amani, would have to be sacrificed. I had to give up loyal friends to get loyal friends. It was tough, but I chose to give up my bid and stay out of Greek Life, all the while watching many of my friends, like Morgan and Steve, have a great time meeting new people and being busy every night. I don't regret my decision to not join, but once I made that decision, it became clear to me, more and more each day, that it wasn't the place for me.
Seton Hall is a small school, which I liked, but its events and social life seemed hinged on Greek Life. For many, many months I barely talked or hung out with my friends who joined Greek Life, and while I understood why I barely saw them, it still stung to be left sitting in my room, realizing the people I hung out with so often were no longer there to relax with. Each day I would see them, walking by me, but because they were so wrapped up in their fraternities and sororities, and I don't blame them, they couldn't talk. I began to look for other ways to spend my time, of which there were few. Other than Greek Life and Multicultural Events, of which I both attended and helped out with (Shout out to the African Student Union's killer fashion show, and Amani KILLING the runway) there wasn't much to do for me besides hangout with friends and filling our time with Smash Bros, movie watching and heading over to the cafeteria for a sub par meal. And gradually it became more clear to me that this small school, its limited view of the world (i.e. intense Catholicism that in May got the Head of Campus Ministry fired for supporting the NO H8T campaign) and overpriced tuition and housing, wasn't working for me. I mean, I know that in the 21st century going to college is hand in hand with going into debt, but $20,000 in debt after ONE YEAR at this school was too much for my mind to fathom. My idealistic view of Seton Hall was getting chipped away, and it stung and burned because it meant I had made a mistake going there, costing me time and money.
Soon, Amani and I began stay up late nights, talking about our Seton Hall grievances, bonding over our mutual frustration of how inadequate we felt our days at SHU were. While I still felt passionate about International Relations, I realized I didn't want to be a diplomat at the United Nations (gratitude to my IR professor for the debate assignment that helped me to realize how ineffective the UN as an institution is!). While the curriculum at SHU taught policy and bureaucratic methods, I really wanted to learn about people, how to help them, and about non profit organizations. I didn't see that happening at Seton Hall, or at least, not to the extent I wanted, for the amount of money I was paying.
Soon, months rolled by, spring break passed (which I spent on a perspective altering volunteering trip to El Salvador with SHU's volunteering services) and April was here. I wrote the post preceding this one during that time. All my thoughts on how my morals and values didn't align with Seton Hall's, the massive amount of debt that was looming over my family's head after just one year, and the great paradigm shift I experienced once I gave up my bid for the sorority lead to me effectively leaving Seton Hall on May 13th, deciding I would not return.
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